sister: I'm going to have two degrees when you graduate high school

me: are you trying to compete with me?

her: no, cause clearly I'm winning

me: it's on bitch

Moulin Rouge has the cutest love songs ever;
if I could sing I’d definitely sing them to him, but I can’t, so I guess I’ll just have to watch it with him and sing it when they do so he can’t hear me

went through everything I’ve ever posted on Facebook.